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 3 rd  Jan 2006  I have gotten some laxatives so I won’t have to stick my  fingers down my throat for a few days. I know I shouldn’t have  them, it will mean I’m in pain but I have to if I want to be  skinny. I’ll only have a few.

3rd Jan 2006

I have gotten some laxatives so I won’t have to stick my

fingers down my throat for a few days. I know I shouldn’t have

them, it will mean I’m in pain but I have to if I want to be

skinny. I’ll only have a few.

 2nd Jan 2006  I’m in a good mood at the moment. I must have lost weight, all  the food I have eaten has come straight back out. Hopefully my  stomach will become flat soon, it’s much better when it’s  flat. People can’t say I’m fat then.

2nd Jan 2006

I’m in a good mood at the moment. I must have lost weight, all

the food I have eaten has come straight back out. Hopefully my

stomach will become flat soon, it’s much better when it’s

flat. People can’t say I’m fat then.

 I’m feeling so good right now-I don’t know how to explain it  but it’s like euphoria. I am on such a high right now;  everything feels good: inside and out. I never thought it  would feel like this, so good. Every time I have tried before  I have felt rubbish and guilty but I guess that is because I  wasn’t doing it properly. I really did it today and it has all  gone. I feel empty, like there is nothing inside. It sounds  stupid but it has made me feel so good. I can’t stop smilingwhich  is unusual in itself. It’s more than that though,  everything is happy. I can feel it inside too, it’s like a  child excited again.

I’m feeling so good right now-I don’t know how to explain it

but it’s like euphoria. I am on such a high right now;

everything feels good: inside and out. I never thought it

would feel like this, so good. Every time I have tried before

I have felt rubbish and guilty but I guess that is because I

wasn’t doing it properly. I really did it today and it has all

gone. I feel empty, like there is nothing inside. It sounds

stupid but it has made me feel so good. I can’t stop smilingwhich

is unusual in itself. It’s more than that though,

everything is happy. I can feel it inside too, it’s like a

child excited again.

 28th Aug 2006  In total I had 1210 calories today. I haven’t had that much in  months. I am so fat and disgusting. I’m disgusted with myself  for eating that much. I haven’t lost weight for ages now. I’m  fat and bloated and just horrible. I really want to be sick, I  need to be, I can’t carry all of this weight, I have to get  rid of it.

28th Aug 2006

In total I had 1210 calories today. I haven’t had that much in

months. I am so fat and disgusting. I’m disgusted with myself

for eating that much. I haven’t lost weight for ages now. I’m

fat and bloated and just horrible. I really want to be sick, I

need to be, I can’t carry all of this weight, I have to get

rid of it.

 29 th  Aug 2006,  I got no sleep last night, it was really cold. Every time I  started to drift off I thought about how much I ate yesterday  and it made me feel sick with disgust.

29th Aug 2006,

I got no sleep last night, it was really cold. Every time I

started to drift off I thought about how much I ate yesterday

and it made me feel sick with disgust.

 Letters in my diary:  Dear Ana,  Thank you for all you have made me, Thank you for taking that  fat, ugly, bloated disgusting thing I was. You’ve put me on  the road to perfection. I’m nearly there, I can feel my bones  rubbing against my bed when I’m trying to sleep. It hurts on  my spine and my rib cage and my hip bones. I can’t sleep  properly, it hurts to lie down – but that means I’m nearly  there. It shows that I’m losing the weight. Some days I hate  you, like when I get dizzy and faint, then I get bruises and  look stupid. Some days I wish you hadn’t gotten into my life,  so I could be like everyone else. All my friends go out for  dinner and they all eat; they never feel ashamed or  embarrassed. They’re perfect already. That’s when I realise  Ana, you have to be in my life.  I know I’m not perfect yet, but soon I will be. And it’s all  because of you, you are my life saver. You always push me and  make sure I’m not doing anything wrong. You’re the only thing  I will ever love Ana. It’s my fault when things go wrong  because you always want the right thing for me, you make sure  I’m heading towards perfection. I hate it when I fight with  and when I can’t do what you want, I’m sorry that I let you  down. I will try harder Ana, I promise.  Love

Letters in my diary:

Dear Ana,

Thank you for all you have made me, Thank you for taking that

fat, ugly, bloated disgusting thing I was. You’ve put me on

the road to perfection. I’m nearly there, I can feel my bones

rubbing against my bed when I’m trying to sleep. It hurts on

my spine and my rib cage and my hip bones. I can’t sleep

properly, it hurts to lie down – but that means I’m nearly

there. It shows that I’m losing the weight. Some days I hate

you, like when I get dizzy and faint, then I get bruises and

look stupid. Some days I wish you hadn’t gotten into my life,

so I could be like everyone else. All my friends go out for

dinner and they all eat; they never feel ashamed or

embarrassed. They’re perfect already. That’s when I realise

Ana, you have to be in my life.

I know I’m not perfect yet, but soon I will be. And it’s all

because of you, you are my life saver. You always push me and

make sure I’m not doing anything wrong. You’re the only thing

I will ever love Ana. It’s my fault when things go wrong

because you always want the right thing for me, you make sure

I’m heading towards perfection. I hate it when I fight with

and when I can’t do what you want, I’m sorry that I let you

down. I will try harder Ana, I promise.

Love